Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Surprise! It's your baby's first poo.

There are a lot of things about babies that you hear and assume it's an exaggeration. Sleeping patterns, screaming, coming out covered in hair, coming out looking like Benjamin Button, falling out of your wife's vagina and stepping out her dreams (Louis CK quote), etc.

One thing you must not ignore is the tales of meconium. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's baby's first poo. And second poo. And god help you if there's a third as it's the most unholy thing to every come out of a living creature (except for another screaming, living creature). It is comprised off all the stuff baby ingests while in the womb, including hair and skin. Awesome.

Meconium is black. Meconium is sticky. While it doesn't smell it will peel 8 layers of your newborn's flesh from their bones as you try to clean it off them. Refer to wikipedia's entry for some delightful pictures.

It isn't actually that gross but it's one of the most bizarre and alien things about your baby. I wish I had video taped the first diaper change to provide step-by-step cleaning, but my digital camera only has so much memory and that shit took forever to clean.

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