Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Bad Dad's Don't Sleep

Eve sits just behind my wife on the list of people I love in this world. I dote on her and miss the two of them every day at work. It kills me to be apart from her for 8+ hours a day.

But when she's awake and fussing from 1am until 5am there is no place I would rather be than anywhere except home. There are few noises that tear through you faster and more harshly than the sound of your crying baby. Quite literally your spine twists into knots and you turn into a whithered (and weathered) old man.

Eve is normally quite good at night. Wakes up to be fed a few times but generally takes it easy. But every once in a while something gets into her and she becomes a beast that we can call the Nocturn.

Some facts on the Nocturn:

The Nocturn doesn't sleep, it just makes a lot of noise, cries, and stares at you blankly when not crying.

The Nocturn is mysterious. It doesn't let you know what it wants it just lets you know it wants SOMETHING and it's your duty to figure out what. OR ELSE.

The Nocturn can not be satiated. Even if you give it everything it could possibly want: new diaper, boob keg-stands, burping, walking, rocking, singing, cooing, weird faces, bad singing, tears, begs, sobs, frustration, more tears, whiskey.

The Nocturn is a brainwasher. You will immediately fall in love with the Nocturn as soon as it sleeps. It becomes the most perfect creature you could possibly imagine and you forget that it almost killed your will to live a scant 4 hours ago.


  1. Oh, look how plump her fingers are, I just want to eat them while smelling her head.

    And if you wanted us to sympathize, you should have posted a picture of the Nocturn in action, because I just don't believe this sleeping baby is capable of the things you're saying.

  2. I needed to show the sneaky side of the Nocturn.

    The Nocturn also pits mother against father. It's pure evil.